So … how’s it going you want to know? Well … in a few words, a lot more difficult than I’d anticipated {duh!}, but at the same time … my heart is happy.
Taylor officially started on her courses on Tuesday. She’s doing a complete online {Christian} homeschooling program. Everything she does is online. Her tutorials, “books,” tests, quizzes, homework, writing assignments … they’re all done online and submitted directly online. Seems easy enough, right? I touted that I would “just be keeping her on task.” Yeah.
Fortunately, there is a suggested planner-type thing that lays out her coursework for the quarter, but seriously, it’s a lot more than I anticipated making sure that we’re staying on course. Taylor’s been great, though, at finishing her assignments and even working ahead to the next day.
I think the hardest part is that my time isn’t my time anymore. In my mind, she would be doing her schoolwork and I would be doing my work. Instead it goes a little something like this, “mom, I need help … mom, my printer isn’t working … mom, i don’t understand this … mom, what’s for lunch … mom, can you spend some time with me … mom, whatcha doing?”
But that’s the sacrifice I signed up for … and honestly … bring it on!
I found a great Christian homeschooling planner and the following popped out at me the other day {reasons why a mom chose to home school}:
Parents need not deprogram or reteach values the child hears for seven hours a day.
They have the child’s full attention at any time of the day and can give him full
attention; he is not absorbing two different value systems daily.
There were other things mentioned that speak to having all your children home and how the family unit bonds in that … makes me kinda wanna home school all the girls! Anyway. What I mention here is exactly why I’ve got Taylor at home with me.
She’s doing devotion daily {something that I’ve let slip with her}. I was able to tell her yesterday how proud I am of her … “why?” she asked … and I was able to list out five things that made me proud. She’s been riding during the day. She applied for a volunteer position at a local pet store. We’re able to have lunch together and talk.
I know there’s sacrifice involved … I knew that going in … and I know we’ve got lots of adjusting and figuring out our way … but ultimately, at this moment … my heart couldn’t be happier. And I’ve got a strong feeling … hers either.
Taylor started riding when she was four years old. We were on a trip to Ireland, decided to go horseback riding and Taylor was instantly hooked! When we got home she started lessons almost right away and her passion for the sport only got stronger and stronger.
{Taylor :: 8 years old}
Taylor stopped riding about a year ago. But on our recent trip to Ireland, guess what we did? And guess who’s hooked?
It was beautiful watching her ride again. It was just like old times … her whole face lights up when she’s on the back of a horse. Seems she didn’t forget a thing …
Seems I didn’t either … there’s this feeling I get taking photos of her riding. Somehow hard to explain, but almost like we’re one … her, the horse, and my lens. I think my passion for photography got strongest when she was riding. It was a great thrill to snap the shutter just as she was mid-air and flying over a jump.
I even had a riding website for Taylor and it’s still active if you care to take a look-see. I browsed through it yesterday … and all those memories seem like mere moments ago. It reminds me once again that we have them for but mere moments. We need to remember to cherish, enjoy and make memories while we can …
My sweet girl. This is Taylor starting 2nd grade … yesterday eight years ago. Life was simple then … easier. Small worries, small hurts, small fears.
But she grew.
And now we have big worries, big hurts, and big fears.
Taylor had been in the same school since kindergarten, but in 8th grade she started having problems. It’s a long post, but you can read more about it here. Her freshman year, we decided to send her to a new school and you can read about that here. And while she liked her new school, she definitely had her ups and downs. Overall, she had an okay year and made a couple of new friends.
So why have I decided to homeschool her? So many thoughts and emotions, that I’m actually going to put this into two posts. Today’ll be about Taylor and why I feel it’s best for her. Next week’ll be about CJ and how God is in the miracle business.
Bottom line :: I want to offer Taylor the chance to succeed. And I don’t think that can happen {for her} in a regular school environment.
Another bottom line :: It’s so important to understand who your children are and meet them there. I’m not jumping on a homeschooling bandwagon here. I’m just recognizing that Taylor needs more and I want to give her that opportunity.
Academically, Taylor didn’t have a super great year … in fact, I don’t think she got over 2.0 until the 4th quarter. In March we had her go through a series of tests with a counselor. We found she has ADD and some minor learning disabilities … one of which is an auditory issue. In a classroom environment, she has a hard time hearing and processing information … given her ADD issues on top of that, she’s got some challenges in a standard classroom.
Socially, Taylor doesn’t have much self-esteem, she’s not super outgoing and quite honestly, has a hard time making friends. No one was mean and bullying her … but they didn’t go out of their way to include her either. And seriously, not the end of the world and something she could definitely get through and deal with.
But when her counselor met with me in May and asked me to, “think outside of the box in educating Taylor.” Because she’s currently, “just getting by.” It really spoke to my heart. Actually, it tore my heart apart.
What I’ve learned is that girls are quick to believe bad things about themselves. Seriously … think about us as women … when someone compliments you, do you say “thank you” or do you shrug it off and end up saying something negative about yourself?
Anyway … when young girls think negative things about themselves and say these negative things, they become strongholds in their lives. Taylor has many, many, many negative strongholds she believes about herself … and while she’s sitting in a classroom 8 hours a day hearing from teachers, “You could do better if you tried. You need to apply yourself more. You just need to get motivated.” And then socially, she’s “feeling” no one wants to be her friend …
These strongholds grip her even more.
My goal for this year? Through intentional parenting, prayer, faith, encouragement, and love … we are going to break these strongholds. Of course we’ll educate her too and I strongly believe she’ll start seeing success in her academics, which in turn will help feed and change the way she views herself.
Children are not a one size fits all. And I just can’t stress enough, how important it is to know each one of them as individuals. Open your eyes, your ears, your heart … to understand what each of them need as individuals.
Parenting takes sacrifice. Love is sacrifice. This isn’t going to be easy … for any of us, Taylor included. But I love my girl enough that I don’t want to look back someday knowing, that because I couldn’t make a hard decision, a sacrifice, a risk … that I ended up leaving a child behind.
Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example
for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12
I am incredibly thankful Taylor has made a commitment to stay pure until marriage.
If it’s possible … I’m even that much more thankful that she’s sweet on someone who’s made the same commitment.
Navigating these territories is not an easy feat … at any age, let alone as a teenager! But she feels strongly about this … and what’s so great to see is that she’s able to bring it up in conversation when she needs to know how someone else feels about it.
I continue to be amazed at God’s character developing inside of her and I’m excited to watch as it continues to unfold.
I’ve been wanting to write this post for a couple of months now … and then thought I’d do it for Taylor’s birthday, but that ended up passing me by {it was this past Wednesday}.
Anyway … Taylor left yesterday afternoon with her dad for their annual trip to Rolex and I’m already missing her like crazy! And I didn’t want to wait another day to put my thoughts down.
I’ve talked about Tay before and how much she means to me … but if you’ll indulge me yet again … I’d like to carry on a bit.
First off … this kid means the world to me and quite frankly … I don’t want to screw it up! I find myself in a pickle sometimes {yes … a pickle!}, in that I’d like to be mom … just mom. But most times, I have to be mom and dad. It’s fine and I’m doing my best. I realize these are the choices I’ve made {in divorcing her dad & giving her a stepfather}, but sometimes … it’s just plain hard, that’s all.
I want her to realize … and said to her recently … it’s my job to make sure she grows up to be the best person she can be. Nothing short of that. And not by my standards, or society’s standards, schools, or her friends … but by her own standards and God’s standards. I want Taylor to be the best Taylor she can be. Does that make any sense?
I haven’t given this kid a lot of credit. Honestly, I didn’t trust her much. I’m not sure why. I think it’s because I never trusted myself much, and I figured she’d be the same as me.
I don’t think I had a great head on my shoulders. I cared too much about what people thought of me. I tried to hard to have people like me. I did things I shouldn’t have. I disobeyed. I fell short.
I assumed my kid would be the same.
But this kid isn’t. She really isn’t.
I don’t want to be naive to think that will never change. I sure pray like crazy that it doesn’t. I cover her in prayer almost everyday. But … what I’ve realized is that … I can’t live for the future, in that, she might do something wrong. She might make a bad choice. She might do something that would cause me to not trust her.
I need to honor who she is right now.
And right now … she’s a pretty great kid.
I think she has a strong set of values. I think she’s got a great understanding of what she stands for … and doesn’t bow to anything less.
She obeys. For the most part. ;) And believe me, some of my “rules” are a little crazy. Even I’ll admit that. But yet on other things, I try to be pretty flexible. Give and take, right? Pick your battles and all that?
I think if there’s one key piece of advice I have for raising a teen {or a kid for that matter} … it’s to listen. Really listen to what they’re saying. Don’t react. But listen. Ask questions and listen.
I have all sorts of things I pray about for Taylor … and recently, I gave her a prayer journal of her own. She was going through some hard times, so I told her to write down some of her problems in the form of prayer requests. And that way, as she saw God begin to answer her prayers, she could see and feel Him working in her life.
A couple of weeks after I gave her the journal, I found it thrown on her floor {amidst hurricane Taylor}. I picked it up and thought my usual negative thought {that I’m certain she didn’t write in it} as I thumbed through it … and to my absolute surprise, I found she had, in fact, been writing in it.
And not only was she writing in it … blagh … tears now … she was praying for the same things in her life that I’ve been praying for, for her.
I had no idea.
No idea that she is working to better herself. That she wants more for herself.
I think we see our teens {or kids} just going along status quo and you wonder if they see any bigger picture … anything outside of themselves.
I had no idea that, yes … in fact, she does see outside of her own little world.
I love, love, love this girl something fierce! I recently tweeted that I’m so proud of Tay … not because of what she’s done, but because of who she is. I think it’s so important that, as parents, we recognize who our children are.
There are two songs I’d like to share in this post. The first … I used to sing it to Taylor when she was younger. I don’t know if she remembers or not, but she’d ask me to sing it to her. When I got remarried, I had it played at our wedding and after the father/daughter dance with my dad, I danced with Taylor to this song …
I think it’s beautiful and I wish this for her … to my very core, I wish this for her:
I Hope You Dance
:: Lee Ann Womack ::
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
:: chorus ::
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you’ll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they’re worth taking
Lovin’ might be a mistake
But it’s worth making
Don’t let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
:: chorus ::
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)
And the second song … equally as beautiful and I pray she soaks up each and every word.
For probably the last year or so, I pretty much only listen to Christian music. That is unless the teen is in the car and we have a little family jam session! ;)
Anyway … it’s been in my heart to share a song each week with you. One that lifts me up … encourages me … and I hope will encourage you. Something to help you start your own little inspirational playlist!
I find when I fill my heart and mind with these songs, the Lord sends me the song or words I need … right when I need them.
So anyway … I thought I could also use this song as the first in our little playlist series … whadda think? Good idea?
So yeah … this is just an awesome song and I’m dedicating it to my newly aged 15 year old!
Tay,
Be strong in the Lord. Never give up hope.
God’s got His hand on you, and He already is doing great things in your life.
And I’m excited to watch you continue to
grow into them.
Happy Birthday baby …
The Words I Would Say
:: Sidewalk Prophets ::
Three in the morning,
And I’m still awake,
So I picked up a pen and a page,
And I started writing,
Just what I’d say,
If we were face to face,
I’d tell you just what you mean to me,
I’d tell you these simple truths,
:: chorus ::
Be strong in the LORD and,
Never give up hope,
You’re going to do great things,
I already know,
God’s got His hand on you so,
Don’t live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don’t forget why you’re here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,
Last time we spoke,
You said you were hurting,
And I felt your pain in my heart,
I want to tell you,
That I keep on praying,
Love will find you where you are,
I know cause I’ve already been there,
So please hear these simple truths,
:: chorus ::
From one simple life to another,
I will say,
Come find peace in the Father,
:: chorus ::
Thank God for each day,
His love will find a way,
These are the words I would say
