the oldest gets older …

Taylor graduated from 8th grade a little less than a month ago. This is a photo of her graduating class. Most of them she’s been with since kindergarten. And I thought she’d be with them til 12th grade graduation … but this past year we’ve struggled to realize that’s not the path God has chosen for her.

What a year it’s been for this child of mine. But she’s persevered and I am so incredibly proud of her.

Here I am again … so many thoughts raging around inside of me, but I can’t seem to form them into intelligent sentences to share. I’ve had this draft post sitting here for a few weeks now because I’m not quite sure how to articulate all the emotion I’m feeling. I want to remain positive and inspirational, but at the same time convey the hell we’ve been put through this year. {and yeah … I just said hell, cuz frankly, I don’t have any other word for it}.

But I’ll get to that in a few minutes …

The kids had a dance the night before graduation, so that’s what’s going on with the beach attire and leis! :)

Here’s Tay with her besties …

And here they are at the lake … age 7.

I’m at the lake right now … looking at the exact spot this photo was taken 7 summers ago. Sigh …

Oh how I miss these times. Innocent times.

And here they are on graduation day … beautiful, don’t you think?

I had to include the full body shot … spot the converse? They weren’t allowed to wear them during the ceremony, so Tay stuffed hers into my purse and put them on immediately following the ceremony. Love it!

They also weren’t allowed to have strapless, or spaghetti-strap type dresses … so everyone had their little sweaters on over their dresses. I totally appreciate the modesty factor, but do you know how hard it is to find a teenager’s dress these days that have a full sleeve? Geesh!

And this is Tay walking into the ceremony and then during the ceremony, getting her diploma. There were about 60 students in the graduating class and I loved that they had something very personal to say about each child. What their interests, hobbies, grades or aspirations are. It was extremely touching.

Taylor isn’t a stellar student. She does her best though and I can’t fault her for that. Sure, I do my best to help and encourage her to do better. But it’s taken me a long time to meet her where she’s at.

To accept her fully and completely for who she is … not what I want her to be.

As I mentioned, Taylor’s had a difficult year. Her schooling, up until this year had been fine. She’s had many friends and has always enjoyed school. So it was surprising and difficult when she started complaining about the kids, the school, and life in general this past Fall.

Many tears. Many days and nights of ‘nervous’ stomach.

I talked to Taylor. I talked to the school. Turns out Taylor was being bullied by two students in particular, but probably even worse are the surrounding kids that watch and don’t do anything about it. I suppose there are a variety of reasons why they don’t do anything about it, but I’m doing my best to remain positive here.

I’m not ‘that’ parent who’ll go running to the other parents, or continue to talk to the school. I did tell the school we were looking at other schools and were considering taking Taylor out. They pretty much didn’t care. Or I suppose I should say … if they cared, they didn’t show it or do anything to help.

What Taylor was going through was one of the major reasons I decided to sell the store last winter. I realized I need to be more present with my children. And honestly, at that point, I was seriously considering home schooling her if it came to that.

So we had Taylor visit another school and she really liked it. I told her to see if she could stay strong until the end of the year {December}, and we’d decide at that time if she still felt she needed to go to another school.

December came and Taylor decided she could stick it out at her current school. Things really never got any better for her … I believe the ‘better’ times were a factor of how she handled the situation. Sometimes she let it get to her more than other times.

There was cyber bullying, physical bullying, relational aggression … but I think the worse of it came when these girls had a network of siblings and friends in the upper school {the school goes from age 3 through 12th grade … 700ish kids total}, and those upper school students started threatening Taylor.

Taylor would literally duck in the car when she saw an upper school student nearby. Whoa.

As a parent, I struggled with how far was too far. When is it considered coddling, or what is justified in standing up for your child’s rights to everyday happiness?

I chose her happiness. I want to see my daughter live life to it’s fullest. So she’s decided not to go back to the school next year. I gave her the choice. Again, maybe I shouldn’t have. Maybe that’s a choice a parent is suppose to make.

But the bottom line is … I don’t think Taylor would make this choice on a whim. I don’t think it’s an easy choice to make. She’s generally a pretty shy and self-conscious kid … not an outgoing personality by any means. She’s nervous as heck. But I trust that only she knows the pros & cons. I do continue to talk to her and guide her through it … but ultimately, she’s the one who knows how bad it really was and if it was bad enough to make a drastic change.

And maybe if we didn’t have an option, we’d have no choice. She’d have to stay at the school and ‘toughen up’ as some people think she should do.

But we do have a choice. It’s going to be a sacrifice to our family. Her new school will be 30 minutes in the opposite direction. It’ll be hard on all of us, but we’ll make it work.

We’ve prayed and trusted God to help us through this decision. Taylor will be going to a Christian school, and there’s a very good possibility that God’s put her through this past year because He has great plans for her. Plans she may not realize at her current school.

I also should mention … her bestie’s above? They’ve done a great job of standing by their friend … but the way the school is set up, they put the kids into 3 different groups, about 20 students each … and they stay with that group all year long … that’s their ‘class group’ for the year. They change classes each period, but they change with that same group. And unfortunately, two of Taylor’s best friends weren’t in her group this year. And there’s no way she would’ve made it through the rest of the year without Ana. They were peas-in-a-pod. In fact, I think that’s mostly why Taylor didn’t leave mid-year … she didn’t want to leave Ana.

I am so proud of this girl and love her with everything inside of me …

This is Tay with granny & grandpa {my parents}, who are also so proud of her … apparent by the pride beaming from their smiles! ;)

Shot of the graduation cake …

And last, but not least … a little audio treat for you! :)

When you play it … not to worry, there’s nothing wrong with your screen … Taylor blocked herself out so it’s only her voice you hear. I hear her singing to the radio in the car and in her room, but I’ve never really heard her sing. I was shocked when I heard this {humbly speaking of course!}!

She’s embarrassed to sing in front of people or for people, so she blocked herself out. But I promise the song is worth listening to til the end {humbly speaking of course!}. The song is from Taylor Swift {you can listen the real deal here}, called Tim McGraw. My Taylor played the song and sang over Taylor Swift’s voice.

Taylor would love to continue to explore a singing opportunity {I don’t know if career is quite the right word} … so we’ve signed her up for Camp Jam this summer. I heard about it from a friend and thought it would be perfect for Taylor. She’s really excited to go! What seems so great about the camp, is that they teach the whole workings of a band. From marketing, to teamwork, to the technical aspects. I’m excited to see what she learns and how she grows. They end the camp session with a huge concert for family and friends … so stay tuned, I’m sure I’ll be boring y’all with that video soon! :)

{and p.s. … shameless plug, but if you click on the youtube logo, you can go directly to the video link and rate & comment … also feel free to tweet & share … hint, hint}